I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize