WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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