I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
