I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize