i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
