This is not my ceiling
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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