too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sarcasm needs its own font
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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