just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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