the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
