If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
