He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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