I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
