just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
