just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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