sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
