it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
