I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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