I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
