Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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