Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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