I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
