Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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