just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
