So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
