Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize