I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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