Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
