what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
