Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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