is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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