Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
