bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
