She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
