i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
