the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
