I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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