My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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