she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
