ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
