So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
