I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
