How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
