So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
