It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
