Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
