if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
