Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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