I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
