i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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