people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
