so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
