He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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