so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
two words: eviction party
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize