she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
