when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
