We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
please don't ironically join a cult
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