please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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