We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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