Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want nice things and good sex
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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