so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
