the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
