I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
