I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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