He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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