just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
