I wish I could teleport
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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