She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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