i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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