update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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