It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
