I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
