woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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