I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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