So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
