shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You have to summon your inner elephant
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
