I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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