is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
