i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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