You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
