Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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