Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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