Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize