Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
