New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
