my being single is dangerous.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
