My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize