Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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