we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
