I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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