How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
