you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
