"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
