Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
