She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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