Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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