Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
