I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
