he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you never un-have a 4some
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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