oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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