Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
