we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
