The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
