you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
