hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
