Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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