i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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