this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
