I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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